We are almost a year and a half away from the final chapter of the sequel trilogy in the Star Wars saga, as Episode IX is described as the last chapter in the Skywalker saga.
While that doesn't mean this will be the last time we see Rey, Finn, and Poe Dameron, it means that it bring to a close the story arc of three generations of the Skywalker ranging from patriarch Anakin, who would go on to become Darth Vader, only to be redeemed by his son Luke after years on the dark side, which was followed by Luke's nephew, Ben, turning to the dark side and becoming Kylo Ren.
Anyway, December 20, 2019 can't came soon enough for many Star Wars fans, though they are many who claim they are going to sit the next movie out after the unevenness that was The Last Jedi, here are nine suggestions I have for director J.J. Abrams and the rest of the makers to include in Episode IX. 9. Give Rose Something To Do
The character of Rose Tico, played by Kelly Marie Tran, was one of the many problems with The Last Jedi, not because she was an Asian woman, but because she was inconsequential to the plot of the movie until the very end when she saved Finn from certain death in the Battle of Scarif.
Hopefully, Rose will be given an important role in the Resistance's fight against the First Order to give her character something to do rather than just tag along with Finn in a storyline that had no impact. 8. How Does Maz Kanata Know So Much?
Rey's awakening with the Force occurred at the bar owned by Maz Kanata when she came across the lightsaber originally owned by Anakin and Luke Skywalker.
Maz described herself as "no Jedi, but I know the Force" in The Force Awakens, but unfortunately her character was reduced to a cameo in The Last Jedi where she gave information that ended sending Finn and Rose on a wild goose chase.
My hope for Episode IX is that we get to explore Maz's background and how she came into contact with Luke's original lightsaber and if she can mentor Rey in some way now that Luke is part of the Force. 7. A Double-Edged Lightsaber For Rey
With Anakin and Luke's old light saber being destroyed in The Last Jedi, its time for Rey to build herself a new lightsaber, just like Luke did Return of the Jedi.
Rey used a quarterstaff in The Force Awakens and carried with her in The Last Jedi, which gives me and many other Star Wars fans the idea that Rey should have a double-edged lightsaber like the one Darth Maul had in The Phantom Menace. 6. All the droids together in one scene
The sequel trilogy is seen by some as the passing of the torch from the characters of the original trilogy to the new generation and nothing better exemplifies that the droid BB-8 being a major plot point in The Force Awakens and having the most screen time of any of the droids in The Last Jedi.
But I would like to see BB-8 together with C-3P0 and R2-D2 in one sequence in Episode IX because I would think if BB-8 and R2 got together, they would could some form of mischief that would provide a scene of comic relief in the film as Threepio tries his best to get handle on the two droids. 5. Finn and Poe become leaders of the Resistance
By the end of The Last Jedi, Finn risked his life to try and stop the cannon from destroying the Resistance(only to be saved by Rose)while Poe told the remaining members of the Resistance that they would be "the spark that will light the fire that will burn the First Order down".
My hopes for Poe and Finn is not to get together romantically(as some Star Wars fans want)but become true leaders of the Resistance much in the way Luke and Han did in the original trilogy.
That would help complete their character transformations from the beginning of the new trilogy from stormtrooper questioning his purpose(Finn) and reckless X-wing pilot(Poe). 4. Lando Piloting The Millennimum Falcon
Old school Star Wars fans got their wish when it was announced that Billy Dee Williams would be returning to play Lando Calrissian in Episode IX.
Assuming Lando has returned to help the Resistance, I think it is fitting that he pilot the Millennium Falcon in the movie's climatic battle like he did in Return of the Jedi.
Plus, it would bring the Falcon and Lando's story arc full circle as the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs returns to its original owner.
3. The Knights of Ren
In the vision that she had in The Force Awakens, Rey saw Kylo Ren with a bunch of other lads dressed in costumes know as the Knights of Ren, followers of the Dark Side led by Kylo.
An opportunity to know about these mysterious Knights was missed in The Last Jedi, but maybe we'll get to find if they are the students that followed Ben Solo after Luke tried to kill them and if they have come to power now that Snoke, Kylo Ren's mentor, is dead(at least we think he's dead). 2. Ghost Han Solo
Mark Hamill is confirmed to be in Episode IX as we believe he will show up in the form of a Force Ghost since he told Kylo Ren "See you around, kid" before he became one with the Force at the end of The Last Jedi.
But wouldn't it be cool to see Han Solo show up as a ghost or a figment of Kylo's imagination in Episode IX?
Ford is not supposed to appear in Episode IX as he was killed at the hands of his son in The Force Awakens, but he could show up in a surprise cameo to perhaps haunt his son as maybe Ben becomes conflicted between the dark and light sides as he is set to be the last Skywalker. 1. The Ultimate Lightsaber Duel Between Rey and Kylo Ren
Rey and Kylo Ren have clearly being set up as the primary protagonist and antagonist of this sequel trilogy, so the hope I have for Episode IX is these two engage in the greatest lightsaber duel in the history of the Star Wars franchise.
Their lightsaber duel in Episode VII was very brief but one of the best moments of the film and the two taking down Snoke's guards in Episode VIII was the best moment of that film.
With Rey having gained more experience in using a lightsaber, she should fight Kylo in a lightsaber duel that puts all the lightsaber duels in the previous Star Wars to shame.
Plus, if she has a double-edged lightsaber to go against Kylo's cross-bladed lightsaber, who knows what could happened.
Well, those are the things I hope happens in Star Wars: Episode IX, let me know what you think and if you have any thing you want to see in the final movie of the Skywalker saga.
Since its release last December, The Last Jedi has been become the most polarizing movie in the history of the Star Wars franchise.
On Rotten Tomatoes, the cumulative score of movie critics give Episode VIII a 91% rating, compared to only a 46% rating from moviegoers, 10 points lower than Attack of the Clones and 13 points lower than The Phantom Menace.
I think the 46% rating is ridiculous as the movie was not as bad as some fans made it out to be.
While the movie did have its problems(Check out my article: 3 Ways That Could Have Made The Last Jedi Better)to me, it is certainly better than Menace and Clones, but it still a far cry from the Original Trilogy and step down from its predecessor The Force Awakens.
However, there were a few moments and storylines that I liked in The Last Jedi, that I have decided to detail in this article.
BTW, if you have not seen the movie, stop reading now.
With that out of the way, here are five things that I think The Last Jedi got right.
Rey-Kylo Ren Connection
Throughout the movie, Rey and Kylo Ren are having conversations though the use of the Force even though they are in different places of the galaxy.
This leads to some fiery back-and-forth between the two as Rey scolds Kylo for murdering his father, Han Solo, and Ren trying to convince Rey he is the victim as Luke tried to kill him when he feared the darkness growing in Kylo, who was still Ben Solo at the time.
Eventually, Rey believes she can bring Kylo bring to the light side leading to a confrontation on Supreme Leader Snoke's ship, while Rey confronts Kylo's new master, only to have Kylo betray him and kill him, leading to the best moment of the film when Rey and Kylo kill the rest of Snoke's guards.
For a moment, I actually thought Kylo was going to return to being Ben Solo, but ultimately he decides to remain on the dark side and tries to persuade Rey to join him, only for her to refuse.
What I like about all the stuff with Rey and Kylo Ren(minus Rey getting to see Kylo Ren with his shirt off)is that it sets up that Rey and Kylo are the same and the opposite.
What I mean is they feel they that both grew up alone, with Rey's parents abandoning her while Kylo was sent away by Han and Leia to train with Luke, which gives them a connection, yet there are at opposites end of the spectrum, as Rey clearly is a follower of the light side while Kylo follows the dark side.
All this should set up a dramatic final showdown between the two in Episode IX.
Poe's Story Arc
My favorite character out of this new trilogy as been X-Wing pilot Poe Dameron, played by Oscar Isaac because of his sense of humor and cool bravado.
I loved the opening scene when he tries to distract General Hux and the First Order in order for the Resistance to escape from their base with a prank call to Hux, and then leading a counterattack to blow up a First Order battleship.
However, Dameron's attack leads to a scolding from Princess Leia as his mission led to several deaths on those of the side of the Resistance.
This begins the best storyline out of the movie as Poe learns what means to be a leader during the course of the film as he tries an insurrection when Admiral Holdo(Laura Dean) takes over after Leia goes into a coma.
Then after seeing Holdo's sacrifice to allow the Resistance to evacuate the planet Crait, Poe realizes that sometimes it is important to fight another day when he tells his comrades to abort their attempt to destroy the cannon the First Order was trying to use to destroy what's left of the Resistance.
Finally, when Luke shows up to his sacrifice in order for the Resistance to escape, Poe essentially tells his friends that wars are not with how much destruction you cause to the other side, but with the spirit of the people who believe in what they are fighting for.
This speech completes Poe's transformation from cocky X-Wing pilot to a true leader of the Resistance. C-3PO being C-3PO
I think the most overlooked aspect of The Last Jedi was the appearance of C-3PO as he once again provide comic relief with his mere presence.
During the opening evacuation scene, Leia tells him "Wipe that nervous expression of your face" then interacts with Poe during his attempted coup by telling Dameron "Sir, I'm almost afraid to ask" to which Poe replies "Good instinct, 3PO, go with that."
Then in the climatic moments where the Resistance tries to escape from the cave in Crait, Poe yells at 3PO to shut up when 3PO tries to the odds of finding an exit(They were 15, 428 to 1 by the way).
It seems C-3PO was used a symbol for the old generation(Luke, Han, Leia) passing the baton to the new generation(Rey, Finn, Poe) and still seems to annoy his friends after all these years.
Hopefully in Episode IX, we'll get to some more banter between 3PO and Poe, and maybe some with Rey and Finn. The Yoda Cameo
One of the best scenes out of The Last Jedi, was the surprise appearance of Yoda, Luke's former teacher.
While many(including myself)were confused when he was able to destroy the Jedi Temple as a ghost, we were still happy to see him because showed up at the right time to give the kick in the ass that Luke needed after whining all film about his screw-up that made his nephew, Ben, turn to the dark side and decided not to teach Rey, the ways of the Force like Yoda to him.
After one of the funnier moments in the film when he hits Luke with his walking stick, Yoda tells Skywalker "The greatest teacher, failure is" and that he must learn from his mistake and save what's left of the Resistance which leads to the final thing I liked about the film...
Luke's Last Stand
When it appears the Resistance is about to surrender, Luke finally shows up to save the day.
At first, I wonder did he get a haircut and dye job from his trip from Ahch-To(the planet where he was staying in exile)to Crait, until we find out that Luke is just projected himself using the Force.
Still, we get a emotional but brief reunion between brother and sister, as Luke comfrots Leia before going out in front of the First Order's ships where he appears he is going to be oblierated as Kylo Ren orders every ship to fire everything they got on Luke, only to none of it hit him, to which Luke just brushes off his shoulders.
This leads to Kylo coming down to taunt Skywalker, saying he and the First Order now rule the galaxy to which Skywalker replies that the war is only beginning and that he will not be the Last Jedi.
The confrontation ends with Luke saying "See you around, kid" as his projection disappears and Luke becomes one of the Force on Ahch-To.
While maybe we wanted to see of the greatest lightsaber duels in Star Wars history, what we got instead was a scene reminiscent of the lightsaber duel in the original Star Wars in which Darth Vader talks trash to Obi-Wan Kenobi saying he is the most powerful being in the galaxy only to have Obi-Wan respond that he would be "more powerful than you can possibly imagine" if Vader killed him.
Essentially, Kylo was acting like Vader and Luke acting like Obi-Wan in this confrontation.
Plus, the "See you around, kid" is a great quote because Luke was telling Kylo "I'll be haunting you even though I'm dead".
So those are the five things that I liked about The Last Jedi.
If have any thoughts, please comment and let me know.
The response to Star Wars: The Last Jedi has been to say at the very least, polarizing, with a number of fans declaring one of the best films of the franchise, while many others calling it the worst entry of the entire Skywalker saga.
While the film had some highlights(Poe's call to Hux at the beginning of the film and Rey and Kylo Ren's beatdown of Snoke's guards), I felt the movie was sloppy at times and that Rian Johnson, who also wrote the film, was in way over his head when it came to Episode VIII of the Skywalker saga.
This backlash has lead many Star Wars fans to say that they will never see another Star Wars movie again.
I didn't think the movie was that bad, but they are some things that I think could have been done better.
Here are three possible solutions that I think could have made The Last Jedi a better movie. Make Finn + Rose Go Straight To The First Order Ship
My biggest problem with The Last Jedi was the storyline involving Finn and new character Rose having to go a Las Vegas style planet to find a codebreaker(Bencio Del Toro) in hopes of disabling the tracking device on the First Order ship the Supremacy.
The storyline culminates with Del Toro's character betraying Finn and Rose, making their mission a failure and this storyline almost feel like a complete waste of time.
What Johnson could have done is have Finn and Rose try to go straight to the source, the Supremacy, rather than going to Casino Bight, which is the name of the planet they went to find Del Toro, who is ultimately killed and becomes a rather pointless character in the story, but gives him a nice paycheck outside of his Heineken commercials.
I think this way could have better provided more action and mischief as the pair, along with BB-8, prowl through the ship looking for the tracking device while also giving Captain Phasma, the stormtrooper that Finn put in the trash compact in The Force Awakens, in knowing that Finn was abroad the ship a bigger role as she attempted to seek her revenge on the former stormtrooper rather than have her role reduced to like a minute in the final cut.
Or they could have kept the storyline in the movie but instead of meeting Bencio Del Toro, find Lando Calrissian and bring him up back into the fold to help the Resistance. Give Us A Glimpse of What's Inside the Jedi Books
Another thing Johnson did that seem to aggravate fans was give characters new Force powers like Rey and Kylo Ren being able to communicate to each other even though they were on different planets and Luke being to able to project himself onto another planet without leaving Ahch-To, the planet where Luke imposed himself in self-exile.
I believe what could have helped the audience is have a scene where Rey, who is on Ahch-To trying to bring Luke out of exile and back into the real world while also getting lessons from the Jedi, go to the cave where a collection of Jedi books that Luke is protecting, and reading a snippet from one of these books.
That way maybe we could find out that new powers that Force-sensitive people such as Rey can do without having the audience go "Wait a minute, I didn't you could do that". Killing Off Leia
This one I wrestled with, but hear me out on this one.
Everybody was saddened by Carrie Fisher's untimely death last year which was a huge loss for those who grew up with Star Wars.
We believe that Fisher will not be used in some shape or form(unused footage or CGI)in Episode IX, so it could have made sense for Johnson to go back and have Leia killed when the bridge of her ship explodes early in the film when is hit by Resistance TIE Fighters.
That way it would have tied up the loose end of having to deal with Leia now that Fisher is no longer with us and plus giving the audience a emotional gut in the punch early in the film.
Also, it could have created more tension between Poe, the badass X-wing pilot played by Oscar Isaac, and Vice Admiral Holdo, played by Laura Dean.
And for those who didn't like the way Luke was portrayed in the film, maybe Leia's death would have made Luke feel that he needs to help the Resistance and help train Rey in the ways of the Jedi.
Instead, Johnson decided to keep all of Fisher's scenes in the film which meant we had to see that the ridiculousness of her pulling herself back to the ship using the Force after floating in space for 15 seconds without having her head explode.
But on the other hand, if she had been killed off at that point then we never would have one of the film's best moments, when she and Luke reunited toward the end of the movie.
Anyways, I'm sure many Star Wars fans have other ways they think The Last Jedi could have been better but those are three things that I think the makers could have done to make Episode VIII a better movie.
I just recently saw Justice League and while I found the film to be solid, it could have been better.
It seems my sentiments about the movie are shared with the public and critics as the movie has only a 41% rating from Rotten Tomatoes critics and the film is on pace to be the lowest grossing movie of the DC Extended Universe on a film that had a $300 million budget.
So, what can the folks at DC Films do to get their shared universe back on track?
Here are some suggestions: Break Away From Warner Brothers
After seeing Justice League, I began to read articles about how messed up the production on the film was. I knew about director Zach Snyder stepping down during post-production and being replaced by Joss Whedon, but I also found out that Warner Brothers, the studio through which the DCEU distributes its films, meddled in the production by mandating that the film only be two hours and maintaining its November 17th release so that executives could get bonuses.
Since Whedon was brought in to replace Snyder following the tragic death of Snyder's daughter, the film would have been better off if had to been delayed a few months so that Whedon, who rewrote a lot of the script, could do a better job of balancing out what he wanted and what Snyder wanted in the film.
Plus, the next DCEU film doesn't come out till next December, which is Aquaman.
If I were the head of DC Films, I would try to break away from Warner Brothers and find a new studio to distribute the DCEU or at least demand that WB no longer meddle in what DC is trying to accomplish and let DC be 100% in charge of how they want their universe to look like, much like how Disney does not interfere with what Marvel does with the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Release a Zach Snyder Cut of Justice League
Like I wrote above, Snyder stepped down as director of Justice League back in May following the death of his daughter.
Instead of halting production to let Snyder grief, Warner Brothers brought in Whedon, who allegedly rewrote much of the script to please Warner Brothers.
But since the film's release, there have been rumors going around that there is a version of Justice League that is closer to what Snyder wanted to film to look like before Whedon came in and significantly changed the film to his liking.
Having heard this, DC fans put together a petition on change.org to have Warner Brothers release Zach Snyder's cut of Justice League,(https://www.change.org/p/warner-bros-zack-snyder-s-director-s-and-tom-holkenborg-s-score-for-home-release-e90fef07-11c6-4a9a-9ae8-375c7717dafa).
I signed this petition because I think we need to see what the original vision of Justice League was going to be.
Plus, when Batman v Superman was panned by critics and moviegoers for its incoherent and disjointed storytelling, Warner Brothers released the Ultimate Edition, which was a 3-hour cut(30 minutes longer than the theatrical version) and was seen as a significant improvement of what was released in theaters.
Warner Brothers should allow Snyder to come back and have him complete his version of the film so that DC fans can determine whether or not Snyder or Whedon's vision was best for Justice League. Get a Superman film out ASAP
One of the subplots of Justice League was the resurrection of Superman after his death at the end of Batman v Superman.
Everybody involved in Justice League said we were going to see the "true Superman" and not the angst-ridden, gritty version that had been seen in Man of Steel and Batman v Superman.
We did get to see a glimpse of the Superman that was more hopeful and less cynical following his resurrection in Justice League, but I want to see how Superman goes forward following his return back from the dead.
Plus, Henry Cavill said he is signed on for one more DC movie, so DC would be smart to have Cavill(who I think has done a great job)have his own Superman movie one more time before Cavill can decide to leave the DCEU if he chooses.
The post-credits scene of Justice League could certainly set up a Man of Steel sequel and bring in other villains from the comics that we have not seen Superman fight on film such as Brainaic or Metallo.
Right now, the Man of Steel sequel is still looking for a director and a script, so DC needs to come up with something quick. Explore Wonder Woman's past
Much like everybody else, I think Wonder Womanis the best film to come out of the DCEU, thanks to the great performance by Gal Gadot, the chemistry she had with Chris Pine, and the arc of her character in the movie.
There is going to be a Wonder Woman sequel coming out in November 2019 and my hopes is that the film takes place somewhere between the events of the first movie and Batman v Superman, where is revealed she kind of disappeared after World War I.
The sequel could be about her Diana(that's Wonder Woman's real name in case you didn't know)was up to and why she was under the radar until Batman v Superman. Get the Batman solo movie out
It was clear when Batman was brought in for the DCEU's second movie, Batman v Superman, that DC and Warner Brothers wanted to bring in the Dark Knight into the DC Universe as soon as possible, rather than flesh out the Superman story even more.
After his controversial casting, Ben Affleck has done a very good job as the Caped Crusader, and helped craft the story for a Batman solo film, which could come out in 2019, with Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and War for the Planet of the Apes director Matt Reeves in the director's chair.
Reeves has said that he has a vision of a trilogy involving the Dark Knight and that his version will explore the detective side of Batman, which would be a departure from Christoper Nolan's Dark Knight Trilogy, which saw Batman as more of a fighter for the soul of Gotham City.
Reeves said if all goes well, the film could come out in 2019.
I hope so, because I would like to see how the events of Batman v Superman and Justice League have changed Batman.
Plus, in my opinion, I think Batman has surpassed Superman as the most popular superhero so a Batman movie, if it is good, could bring Wonder Woman like success for the DCEU.
Make Flashpoint
For me, the MVP of Justice League, was the Flash, played by Ezra Miller.
His sense of humor were a highlight of the film and made me want see a Flash movie.
While there is no timetable for when the Flash will get his own movie, it is known that the Flashpoint story arc from the comics will be incorporated in the movie.
For those unfamiliar with the Flashpoint series, where the Flash notices the timeline has been altered and that Bruce Wayne's father is not only alive, but is Batman, while Wonder Woman and Aquaman are at war, and that Superman is held captive for experiments by the US government.
The Flashpoint movie would do two things: First, give Miller his own movie since he was outstanding in Justice League and two, a chance to tweak the DCEU so that DC and Warner Brothers(or whatever studio) can reboot the universe if they like and a chance to recast roles such as Batman, as Affleck is 45 and may have to step aside to bring in an younger actor to play the Dark Knight. Make a true Justice League movie
Despite the fact that Justice League is considered a box office bomb, even though its going to make at least $200 million in the US and is the highest grossing DC film in China, there is said to be a sequel in the works.
My hopes for the sequel is to have a true Justice League movie, meaning not having Superman sit out most of the film and have a major role in the movie.
The fact that Superman was going to be AWOL for most of the movie could be a reason why Justice League is underperforming at the box office.
Also, they need to bring in Green Lantern, because no matter if its Hal Jordan or Jon Stewart, the Green Lantern is a quintessional part of the Justice League.
The movie hinted at a Green Lantern and there is a Green Lantern movie scheduled for 2020, so I hope after that the Green Lantern joins the Justice League.
So, those are my thoughts on what DC Comics should do with their cinematic universe going forward.
Let me know what your think about my ideas or what ideas you might have to improve the DCEU.
Today was a great day for lovers of bad movies as Mystery Science Theater 3000 returned with a new cast and 14 new movies to riff on Netflix.
In my opinion, MST3K is the greatest show in TV history as it made me appreciate bad movies and gave me a chance to riff or crack jokes on any movie possible.
Now this is a movie site and MST3K is a TV show, so how do I write an article about a TV show on a movie blog?
Aha, I have come up with a list of what I think are the 25 worst movies that have ever been riffed on MST3K, before today's reboot.
Some of these movies could fight in the "so bad they're good" category while others are just so painful that you needed Joel Hodgson, Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, and Crow T. Robot's jokes just to get through the film
Anyway, in the words of MST3K, we've got movie sign(I mean let's begin the countdown)
25. Pumaman(1980)
This is a superhero film made in Italy where the superhero is Pumaman, who flies sideways in front of rear-projected shots of London, and leaps around like an idiot really not saving anybody, unlike his mentor, a tall Aztec guy who drops guys out of buildings to their death to see if they can fly to prove they are the Pumaman.
The two hook up to fight the villain played by Donald Pleasance, who uses a collection of paper-machete heads to control people's minds in his goal of taking over the world while prouncing Pumaman "Pyu-ma Man".
Add all this plus an annoying theme song and you have a superhero movie that makes Batman & Robin look like The Dark Knight. I take that back, Pumaman is still better than Batman & Robin. Summary: Pumaman! He flies like a moron!(Crow T. Robot) 24. Pod People(1983)
One year after ET: The Extraterrestrial, Spanish filmmakers decided to make their own version of ET with a lonely boy finding an alien egg that hatches into what looks like a rough draft of ALF, which he names Trumpy.
But instead of the focus being on the boy and the alien, we have two other subplots involving poachers and a singer with his entourage camping in the woods, that are being killed by the alien's brother.
It's like the director tried to combine ET with Friday the 13th, confusing the audience on whether this movie should be kid-friendly or a horror movie.
Plus, its opening credits are from another movie(The Galaxy Invader which was riffed by the guys at Rifftrax back in 2011) Summary: It stinks!(After the singer finishes recording Idiot Control) 23. The Skydivers(1963)
MST3K introduced us to director Coleman Francis, who gives Ed Wood a run for his money as the worst director of all time, and shows all three of his films, starting with The Skydivers which is his best film which isn't saying much.
The movie is supposed to be about a couple running a skydiving facility, which Francis emphasizes in great detail with half the movie being stock footage of people skydiving.
There is choppy editing, jarring close-ups, obvious evidence of a wig on the main female character, a pointless dance scene, and obsession with coffee.
And like I said, this is Francis' best movie. Summary: Seems like they forget to have things happen in this movie(Mike Nelson) 22. Werewolf(1996)
When your movie is made during the time MST3K is on the air(1988-1999) and gets riffed while the show is still on the air, you know its bad.
This 1996 "classic" is about a werewolf skeleton that turns people into werewolves if they come into contact with them.
But the movie distracts you from the plot with Yuri, one of the scientists who digs up the skeleton, having his hair change in almost every scene and Natalie, one of the other scientists played by an obvious European actress who cannot perfect her American accent and to makes matters worse is more wooden than a piece of wood with her acting.
This was the latest movie to be riffed on MST3K until... Summary: That was the sound of the director giving up and leaving(Crow T. Robot) 21. Future War(1997)
Another sign your film is destined to be riffed on MST3K? When its not released in theaters and goes direct to video like Future War, the latest movie ever to be riffed on MST3K as it was released on video in 1997.
Why did this movie go direct-to-video? Well, for starters, the plot which involves a runaway slave, who was captured by cyborgs from the future during Earth's past while they also captured dinosaurs to use as trackers, yet somehow they end up in the present.
The runaway, who is played by "Jean Claude Van Darn" as Mike says during the opening credits, doesn't speak English for half of the film, but then suddenly can speak English thanks to reading the Bible.
The runaway with his new nun friend and others, who all wear flannel because it was the '90s, try to destroy the dinosaurs, almost always in front of a bunch of cardboard boxes.
The film ends with a ridiculous fight scene between the runaway and one of the future cyborgs where the cuts keep appearing and disappearing on the runaway's chest which ends when the cyborg decides to blow himself up for no reason. Summary: My theory is that the director shot the entire movie without looking at it(Crow T. Robot) 20. Santa Claus Conquers The Martians(1964)
Just by the title alone, you know this is a crappy movie, though it is a misnomer as Santa Claus doesn't really conquer the martians.
What happens is martians kidnap Santa Claus, so they can bring him to Mars for their children.
During the course of the movie, we see bear and robot costumes(or custumes as the opening titles read custume designer)that look only believable for a elementary school play and the martian Droppo, who gives Jar Jar Binks a run for his money as the most annoying character in film history.
Plus, we get stock footage of military planes taking off but no footage of the spaceships landing as we get the martians saying "We've landed" to tell the audience that they have landed.
You think this would be the worst Christmas movie MST3K riffed until... Summary: Kids, this is Hell(Tom Servo) 19. Santa Claus(1959)
This "holiday classic" made in Mexico, which depicts Santa Claus as a bit of creep as the toys that he delivers to the children all around the world are built by child slaves from numerous countries around the world in a factory while Santa plays the organ.
Santa also uses such surveillance equipment such as the Teletalker, which is a giant set of lips, and The Master Eye, which is a telescope with a giant green eye at the end of it that Santa uses to spy on the children of the world.
Ultimately, Santa with his sleigh of reindeer, which aren't real but are mechanical toys that come to life, goes to Earth to stop the evil plan of Pinch, the Devil who stalks fear into the viewers with his frock ling around, who is trying convince to the children to reject Santa, but ultimately fails thanks to Saint Nick's magical devices of a key that can open any door in the world, a flower that makes him invisible, and a powder, which makes you fall asleep.
If I had know all this about Santa as a kid, I wouldn't have asked for anything for Christmas. Summary: What's happening?!(Mike Nelson) 18. The Dead Talk Back(filmed in 1957, released in 1993)
There are many reasons why this movie sat for 36 years on the shelf before being released to the public.
First, we start off with a scene of two people making out in a car with the woods that has nothing to do with the story.
Second, we get a spoiler alert about how the hot blond girl is going to die thanks to the film's narrator who doesn't identify himself as a cop until several minutes into his narration.
Then, the police turn to a scientist who claims he can talk to the dead with a special radio that features a razor blade attached to a speaker inside a wineglass.
Of course, no one hears anything leading Servo to yell "That's because it's a razor blade in the glass".
And finally, the murder of the hot blond girl is solved with a ruse that her spirit has come back to convince her killer into confessing without actually talking to the dead. Summary: They never talked to the dead(Crow T. Robot) 17. Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell(1988)
It's hard to believe that they had made two Deathstalker movies before this one and its even harder to believe that they made another Deathstalker movie after this debacle.
This is a sword and sorcery film in which our hero, Deathstalker who drops his English accent after his first scene of the movie, trying to find three stones which is supposed to reveal a magical city I think while protecting the twin of a dead princess for some reason.
The plot gets lost in all the choppy editing, bad fight choreography, and the main villain whose pauses in the movie make William Shatner look like Laurence Oliver Summary: This is one of the most ambitiously bad movies we have ever done.(Mike Nelson) 16. Lost Continent(1951)
Two words can describe this movie: Rock climbing.
The movie is supposed to be about a rescue mission, led by Cesar Romero(who played the Joker on the TV series Batman)and Hugh Beaumont(who was the dad on Leave It To Beaver) of an atomic rocket in the South Pacific, when they crash on an uncharted island.
After spending 20 minutes setting up all this up, the next 20 minutes shows the crew climbing the rock on the island. 20 minutes of rock climbing!
That leaves little time for the crew to deal with the dinosaurs on the top of the rock while trying to find the rocket, because they had to spend 20 minutes of the film showing them climb the rock! Summary: Rock-climbing movies didn't have this much rock climbing in them(Tom Servo) 15. Attack of the The Eye Creatures(1965)
You're reading that right, Attack of the The Eye Creatures, which is one of the many alien invasion movies that Hollywood has made over the years.
However, the eye creatures really don't strike much terror as they arrive in a UFO that resembles a domed yo-yo and have zippers on the back of their costumes while one of the creatures wears sneakers in a small town that constantly changes from day to night.
Perhaps scarier than the eye creatures are two military men who use the military surveillance equipment to watch teenagers make out in the woods. Summary: This movie makes Mannequin 2 look like a masterpiece(Crow T. Robot) 14. Eegah(1962)
You might want to take a shower like Servo and Crow did after watching this movie.
Richard Kiel, the man who played Jaws in the James Bond movies The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker, plays a caveman who is obsessed with a young girl named Roxy after an late-night encounter with her on the highway.
After her father goes missing after looking for the caveman in the desert(probably because he didn't watch out for snakes), Roxy and her whiny boyfriend, who sings to her in a song by the pool but calls her "Vicky" go out looking for Roxy's dad in a dune-buggy ride through the desert where Roxy goes "Whee" even though her dad is missing.
Eventually, Roxy finds her father in a cave kidnapped by the caveman, where she is encouraged by her father to have sex with the caveman but ends up shaving his beard, where Eegah ends up licking the shaving cream with his tongue.
Eventually, they escape the clutches of Eegah, who later returns at a pool party, where he is of course shot and killed, because he is a misunderstood caveman, though the viewers had wished it had been Roxy's father or her boyfriend that had been killed, instead of the caveman. Summary: I'm being punished for something, I know it. What could have I done? I didn't ask to see this movie!(Tom Servo) 13. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Become Mixed Up Zombies(1964)
Billed as the first "monster musical", this film tries to tell the story of a man who is visiting a carnival getting hypnotized by a fortune teller turning him into a killer, but keeps getting interrupted by numerous musical numbers that have nothing to do with the plot.
Plus, we do not see the "zombies" until the last 10 minutes of the film and it turns out there are three of them that have been locked away in the fortune teller's closet the entire film.
Perhaps if the filmmakers had stuck to making a monster movie rather than making a monster movie and a musical in one film, the results could have been slightly better, as the film's budget was only $38,000. Summary: Camera pulls out as if to say, sorry about that everyone, it's my fault(Mike Nelson) 12. Hobgoblins(1988)
I would get tested for a STD after watching this ripoff of Gremlins.
The hobgoblins(all four of them)are alien creatures, that are really hand puppets, that can bring your fantasies to life
But it seems that most of the characters' fantasies involve sex as the hobgoblins bring one man's fantasy to life of going on a date with a phone sex operator while a woman gets to life out her fantasy as a stripper.
Then there is the guy who has come home from the Army and his girlfriend, who all they want to do is have sex in his van.
Plus, there is an infamous two-minute fight scene between the Army guy and our hero, a whiny security guard, involving garden tools and the great "Kiss Kicker" song before the girl's striptease scene. Summary: Can we have a law that in the future, films have to be made by filmmakers(Crow T. Robot) 11. The Creeping Terror(1964)
OK, if TISCWSLABMUZ(the movie at #13) had only a budget of $38, 000 , the budget for The Creeping Terror must have been much smaller
This movie is about a slug-like monster, which is really a shaggy carpet with people underneath it to make it move, eating people in a small town where we do not get to here the people speak much because allegedly the soundtracks were lost so the film's dialogue is mostly just a man narrating the events to the audience.
But the movie has a 5-minute dance scene of girls in tight pants dancing around, so it has that going for it. Summary: Well, it is creeping, you gotta give it that(Tom Servo) 10. The Castle of Fu Manchu(1969)
This is one of the rare films that actually made the crew on the Satellite of Love actually break down into almost madness.
The film is supposed to be about a Chinese supervillian, played by British actor Christopher Lee, whose diabolical plot is to freeze all the oceans in the world.
Other than that, I cannot really explain anything else in this movie as anyone who watches this turd will have no idea what is going on. Summary: I wish this movie was conscious and coherent!(Tom Servo) 9. Invasion of the Neptune Men(1961)
This Japanese alien invasion movie has Sonny Chiba, the famous martial arts star, as Space Chief, a superhero who tries to save the world from alien invaders from the planet Neptune that have record players for helmets.
But by day, Space Chief is an astronomer named Shinichi Tachibana, who help develops an energy shield to help stop the Neptune Man called the "Roji-Panty Complex".
"The Roji-Party Complex" works only temporally as the Neptune Men break through the complex resulting in a nearly 20-minute battle scene that is filled with stock footage that inexplicably includes the blowing up of a building that has a Adolf Hitler billboard on it.
It makes Prince of Space, a similar film which Mike & the Bots riffed earlier, look like Star Wars. Summary: Take this stupid little cockroach of a film, roll up so tight, and then ram it right up your-(Tom Servo) 8. Space Mutiny(1988)
This is the film with "Blast Hard Cheese" no wait "Slab Bulk Head" or is it "Big McLarge Huge"?No, its David Ryder, the beefy hero who wears a wife beater throughout the film, trying to stop a mutiny on the spaceship Southern Sun, while wooing the daughter of the ship's commander, played by Cameron Mithcell who sports a Santa Claus beard for the movie.
While is supposed to be a action-packed sci-fi movie, all you do is laugh at the absurdity that is going on with the overacting of the film's hero and main villain, Calgon, who looks like former NBA head coach Pat Riley, as well as the commander's daughter, Leah, who looks like she maybe only five years younger than her dad.
Then there is the death of a female officer who magically reappears a few minutes later when the movie goes back to the bridge and the Balarians, a bunch of female aerobic instructors who do nothing but gyrate throughout the film.
And then there is the film's climatic chase which takes place in the basement with the vehicles looking the floor polishers at a bowling alley.
All of this plus the fact that they used stock footage from the original Battlestar Galactica makes Space Mutiny one of the funniest movies ever made, though it was not intended to be a a comedy. Summary: A severely impaired box turtle with a very busy schedule, just give him a camera for a day, he'd come up with something better than this(Crow T. Robot) 7. Red Zone Cuba(1966)
The second movie of the Coleman Francis trilogy(though this was the last movie he directed) starts with B-movie icon John Carradine talking to a reporter, then singing the movie's theme song "Night Train to Mundo Fine" and never appearing again in the movie.
The rest of the movie has a trio of convicts joining the US military so they could paid during the "Bay of Pigs" invasion, which apparently failed because we only sent about 10 soldiers to Cuba, according to Francis.
Then after our three "heroes" are captured by the Cubans, they escape back to the US where they go on a crime spree, which includes dropping the father of a frog legs restaurant into a well and raping his blind daughter on their quest to find treasure in a tungsten mine. Summary: I want hurt this movie, but I could never hurt it the way it hurt me(Crow T. Robot) 6. The Wild World of Batwoman (1966)
Trying to capitalize on the popularity of the Batman TV series, director Jerry Warren made this piece of crap that left Servo yelling "End!" at the end of the movie.
The movie's "plot" involves Batwoman trying to stop her arch nemesis, Rat Fink, from selling an atomic-powered hearing aid.
But the hearing aid gets lost in all the madness that ensues which includes several scenes of scantily clad women dancing(who were allegedly strippers that were offered parts in the film to avoid going to jail after a raid shut down their strip club), a seance where Batwoman tries to communicate with a spirit to help her find the hearing aid, only to be constantly interrupted by a Chinese-speaking spirit, and then when Batwoman enters Rat Fink's secret cave, she encounters monsters from the movie The Mole People(which MST3K would riff a few years later).
After all this, you can understand why Servo was yelling for the movie to end. Summary: Yes, the devil made this movie for you(Mike Nelson) 5. The Starfighters(1964)
To call The Starfighters a movie is an understatement, as it is more of an infomercial for the United States Air Force.
The film features long sequences of planes refueling in mid-air, mock bombing runs, and demonstrations of how pilots should use their "poopie suit", which are I learned from Wikipedia are suits used to contain body heat while in water and not suits used for bowel movements.
The film's "story" which consists of maybe 10% of the film, involves one of the pilots falling in love with a waitress while "arguing" with his father on whether or not he should fly fighter planes(the Dad wants his son to fly heavy bombers).
There is no beginning, middle, end as you like I said you feel you've just wathced a promotional film for the Air Force and not an actual movie. Summary: I really think there is more nothing in this movie than in any movie we have seen(Mike Nelson) 4. Cave Dwellers(1984)
Of all the films that are "So bad its good", Cave Dwellers takes the top prize as the #1 movie in that category.
In this movie, which is a ripoff of Conan the Barbarian, has our hero, Ator along with his trusted sidekick, Thong(that's right Thong) protecting the Geometric Nucleus, which according to its creator "Is everything and nothing".
Even though the film is set in medieval times, it seems that many modern innovations have already happened according to this film with handrails around the castles as well as a hang glider that Ator uses toward the end of the film plus grenades.
But who are the Cave Dwellers? Well, there are two sets of creatures with one being invisible monsters that if you put your cape over them, stops them immediately and the other, being cannibalistic cave men that eat human hearts, making the heart-pulling scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom seem tame.
However, the cave dwellers are only in the movie for about five minutes as Ator saves the day after fighting a huge puppet snake that growls and then using his hang glider to make sure the Geometric Nucleus does not fall into the wrong hands. Summary: Folks, we have snakes growling(Tom Servo) 3. Monster A Go-Go(1965)
Sometimes when a film is abandoned in the middle of it being made, maybe you shouldn't go back and try to finish the film. After director Bill Rebane ran out of money while making this film in 1961, he abandoned the project, only to be picked up a few years later by Herschell Gordon Lewis. The result: a complete and utter mess as characters come in an out of the movie without explanation, as some of the actors who participated in the '61 production, did not return when Lewis took over, in a movie about an astronaut who comes back to Earth and becomes infected by radiation, turning him into a killing machine. But when it appears the monster is going to be caught, he disappears and it is revealed that the astronaut who was thought to be the monster, is actually alive and well, just to give anybody who was still watching this piece of crap the finger just for watching it. Summary: This is gonna suck(Crow T. Robot) 2. The Beast of Yucca Flats(1961)
This is the last movie directed by Coleman Francis that MST3K riffed, and it is by far his worst.
The movie starts out with a girl getting out of a shower and then being strangled to death, but we're not exactly sure how this ties into the movie which is supposed to be about a Soviet scientist who survives a nuclear explosion to be become the "Beast of Yucca Flats".
The rest of the movie is the "beast" killing people while the narrator, which is Francis, saying random sentences like "Flag on the moon, how did it get there?", "Touch a button, things happen", and "Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers".
Yet, this was actually Francis' first film, so its amazing to anybody that he made two more movies after this atrocity. Summary: This movie stops at nothing and stays there(Tom Servo) 1. Manos: The Hands of Fate(1966)
When your movie is ranked #5 on the Internet Movie Database's bottom 100 movies and when the gang behind making MST3K says the movie is the worst movie they ever showed, then it has to be the #1 movie on this list.
The first 10 minutes of Manos make you think you're watching some family's vacation film as the movie begins with a family that is on vacation getting lost as we get to see almost every minute of their plight until they stop at an nearly abandoned hotel where they meet Torgo, a satyr-like creature who takes care of the hotel while "The Master is away".
And who is the Master? A leader of some-type cult that worships "Manos" whoever that is.
But is the sheer incompetence of the filmmakers and actors that make Manos the worst movie ever riffed on MST3K, with numerous uncomfortable moments of silence, the actors repeating their lines just seconds after saying them, a subplot involve a teenage couple making out in a car that has nothing to do with the plot, a endless fight scene between the Master's wives, and another long driving sequence toward the end of the movie.
No wonder Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank apologized to Joel and the 'Bots for showing this movie. Summary: Crew? They had a crew? I do not believe they had a crew(Crow T. Robot)
